Author: Peter Elbridge

I prefer giving most speeches with relatively little preparation–no scripts and few rehearsals. It is a challenge that stretches me, and it is great practice for life and work. Even more personally important, it helps me speak from the heart instead of falling into mindless performance.

But if I’m going to wing it so much, I’d better have a pretty good system for making it powerful even without the advantage of weeks of preparation.

Well after years of doing it, with preparation times  varying from months to weeks to days to hours to minutes to literally 2 seconds, I’ve figured out how to very quickly come up with a powerful speech.

If you become very familiar with your process or formula (so practice, practice, practice!), you can use it with detail while writing a speech in advance, you can use it quickly when you’re only given a few minutes to throw a speech together, and you can even continue planning your speech while you’re already delivering it!

So here’s the first and most important step in creating a speech:

Choosing Your Topic and Purpose

I spend more time on choosing my topic than you might expect. And even once I know my topic, the exact purpose for which I will use it can take me quite a while to determine. Here are two reasons why:

     1. It is absolutely the most important part of your preparation: If the speech is going to be effective, you have to be speaking on a relevant topic and using the topic in a powerful way. It must fit your audience–their interests and needs. And it must fit you–your recent and current feelings, experiences, and education.

So even when I’m given a very short time for preparation, I spend a large portion on choosing the topic. When I used to compete regularly in impromptu speaking with 2-minute prep times, especially once I had gotten good at it, I often spent the entire first minute just deciding which of the suggested topics I should use and what the point of my speech would be.

     2. The choosing process actually generates some of your best content: If you think “writer’s block” is tough, try “speaker’s block.” It can be incredibly difficult to decide what to say when faced with a direct question: “What should I say about this?” Every ounce of doubt inside you sends you into a panic and keeps you from thinking clearly. This is especially true when you’re faced with a difficult deadline (for instance, you may be given 2 minutes to prepare your speech).

But the good news is, before you throw the content-question at yourself, if instead you focus on the topic-question, content can more easily present itself. When you’re wondering, “Should I speak on that or this?” the pressure, instead of being on the detailed content, is on the general topic. So while you are in the process of coming up with your decision, your mind is free from the “What should I say about it?” pressure, and the “what”-content can start flowing naturally. “If I speak on A I could tell this story. Oh, but what I’ve been studying could fit really well into B! And I could use that quote I heard!”

I have found that, especially when under a time crunch, some of my best content flows very naturally when I’m still focused on weighing the advantages and disadvantages of competing topics.

10 Helpful Questions

So what makes for a good topic and purpose in a speech? It depends on the speaker, audience, context, time, and lots of other variables. But here are a some questions that may help get your mental juices flowing:

• What have I been thinking about most lately?

• What would facilitate a remarkable personal connection or story I can share?

• What would the audience trust me to teach them?

• What are my audience’s interests and goals?

• What are my audience’s problems and needs?

• What is my audience expecting and hoping to hear?

• What would my audience find significant and memorable?

• Do I really care about this topic and believe in this purpose, so that I can speak from my heart?

• Do I really feel comfortable and confident about choosing this topic and purpose?

• And last but not least, will it fit my allotted speaking time and venue well?

Takeaway: Remember that the topic and purpose of your speech is by far the most important part of your preparation. It must fit you, the audience, and your speaking situation. On it hangs the success of your entire speech. So devote plenty of time to choosing it carefully. As a bonus, your choosing-time just might generate great content before you even start on step 2!

What suggestions can you share for coming up with a powerful topic and purpose for a speech?

Over the past few years I’ve spent a lot of time selling products and services. And I think I’ve discovered the secret to selling.

The “trick” isn’t buying audio programs and training curricula.

It’s not making personal connections with your clients.

And it’s not doing your research beforehand.

Of course, all of those are excellent techniques and can make you a much better salesperson.

But the real secret to selling is much simpler:

Just do it.

I know that sounds pretty simplistic. And I’m sure you’re disappointed. But here’s why I say it: In the real world, where our true colors are shown, most salespeople just aren’t selling.

Even most ambitious salespeople aren’t usually selling. We salespeople are master procrastinators.

Whether it’s checking e-mail or the news, planning our work and schedules, talking with our sales teammates, researching our prospects, learning our products, it’s very likely we’re trying very hard to not make a sale.

In fact, it’s amazing how much time we invest in making ourselves better at sales–reading, practicing, getting advice and coaching–instead of actually selling. (Which is strange, because the best teacher is experience.)

Even once we have learned how to sell well, once we’ve had some success, and put up some good numbers, we’ll still look for excuses to do anything-but-selling.

Now please understand, I am as big a supporter as any of serious self-improvement in professional skills. I regularly take classes, read books, and use programs to work on my own skills.

And many sales positions require the effective salesperson to spend the majority of his time working on prospecting, preparation, and follow-up.

But when it comes down to it, the most important trick to selling is just taking the step between “getting ready” and actually-doing-it. Because that’s the step most salespeople hate taking.

Not only is it the most important, it’s also both the easiest step and the hardest step. And it is completely psychological.

Unlike professional training products, just-doing-it costs nothing. And since experience is the best teacher, you can be sure of its value. It is more rewarding than any other part of the process, and it’s earning you a paycheck.

Should be easy. Right? But it’s not. Ask a salesperson. There are lots of reasons salespeople spend the vast majority of their time not selling. But regardless of what those phobias are, if you’re a salesperson, deep down you probably want to beat them. Right?

Well here’s the secret: JUST DO IT.

Your numbers will increase. So will your confidence. And so will your skill.

That being said, I know how hard it is.

So here’s to you, to my courageous brothers and sisters in sales. Here’s to you who spend your life repetitively offering products.

Today, make a sales call. And then make another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. Your fellow salespeople and I are rooting for you!

(Oh, and then go invest in a good book on sales strategies.)

The same is true with most areas of growth in our life. I love (and personally use) inspirational and strategic books, training materials, careful planning, and the like. But when it comes down to it, half the time we’re just stalling.

No matter how many smoothie makers and nutrition books you buy, you won’t lose a pound until you add action to planning, doing to wanting. If you want to get better at working out, do it more. If you want to get better at writing, do it more. If you want to get better at listening, do it more.

If you want to get better at anything: Just do it more!

How do you overcome procrastination due to laziness or nervousness?

If only I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard it:

“Every couple fights.”

You’ve probably been told that you’re not going to be able to help fighting with your life partner. And you’ve also probably been told that it’s a natural, even healthy part of being in a relationship. That you need to “know how to fight” and “know how to make up.”

That is a lie.

Fighting Over Things vs. Working Through Things

Don’t get me wrong. Struggle is a natural part of being in a relationship. And refusing to deal with issues is certainly unhealthy.

Every couple I know has to deal with hurt, frustration, disappointment, confusion, annoyance, and misunderstanding. And that’s okay. Nobody’s perfect.

And it is healthy to share those feelings, to work on things, to talk through things, to be scared, to cry, to plead, and to challenge.

But do you really think it’s impossible to say no to fighting? Especially with the one person you promise to love, support, respect, and care for with all your heart?

There is a difference between discussing and fighting. It has to do with kindness and respect. And when you are fighting, you are giving up on those. Working through things constructively, on the other hand, is a part of kindness and respect.

Some Couples Really Don’t Fight

Don’t just take my word for it. I have only been in a relationship for about three years. But I know other couples–couples who have been together for a long, long time–who say they have never had a fight. Oh, they’ve been through a lot, struggled a lot, shed a lot of tears. But they have never “gotten into it” with each other. They have never really fought.

And I think there’s something really special, really loving and caring about refusing to fight with someone, no matter how familiar and comfortable the relationship gets.

This doesn’t mean that if you’ve fought, you’ve failed. There’s nothing “better” about me if I don’t fight with my girlfriend. We might end up having some fights, anyway.

But all the excusing and explaining and justifying fighting, as a “normal” part of relationships, has got to stop.

Why Fighting Doesn’t Make Sense

I don’t claim the peace that my girlfriend and I have had is because of something great in us. But I am thankful for it. And I wish that more people would believe it’s possible to have peaceful relationships. Because believing you can stop fighting is the first step.

I do, though, think I have an idea of one big thing that’s keeping us from fighting. And I want to share it with you. Because the point is not to judge couples who fight, but to give hope and encouragement. So here’s what helps my girlfriend and I say no to fighting:

We are a team.

We stand and fall together. If we fight each other, we fight ourselves. If we support each other no matter how hard it gets, we support ourselves.

One of the most valuable things we provide for each other is the comfort of knowing we have someone on our team, in every single part of our lives. Someone who cares for us, will defend us, and will help us.

So when one of us is stressed out, the other understands. When one of us disappoints, the other forgives. When one of us fails, the other picks up the slack. And when one of us doesn’t pull enough weight, the other gently asks for a change.

Staying Focused on Teamwork

We don’t escape fighting because we’re perfect. If we were perfect, we would do a lot less crying, a lot less sitting in confused silence, a lot less apologizing, and a lot less hugging.

I think we escape fighting largely because, no matter how tough things get, we keep this in the forefront of our minds: We are a team. We have to be a team!

I know we may fight someday. (And the surest way to make it happen is by saying we’ll never fight.) But if that becomes a part of who we are, shame on us. Because fighting is not necessary. It is disrespectful, self-centered, and damaging. We’re supposed to be a team, and that means having each other’s back–even when it hurts.

I’m not willing to assume Alyssa and I will ever fight, though. Because there are couples who just don’t do it. And, like them, we make a point of remembering that we’re on each other’s team.

“Every couple fights” is a lie. And it’s one that’s damning a lot of young couples to very hurtful and lonely relationships.

What helps to make your relationship peaceful and supportive?

In a 2012 study done by the National Institute of Mental Health, Glossophobia beat out Necrophobia (death-phobia) as America’s biggest fear: Public speaking.

Trying to speak to an audience, large or small, is absolutely terrifying. To most people.

It’s especially difficult when you’re moving out of your comfort zone, from one level to the next: Maybe you’ve mastered speaking in your rhetoric club, but step onto a stage in front of a crowd of hundreds and you still might freeze.

Personally, after lots and lots of practice (including psychological tricks, mantras, and “imagining my audience naked”–which really didn’t do it for me), I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with public speaking. I actually feel pretty comfortable speaking to an audience–like I’m in my element.

But there are still times and situations where the nerves will kick in. Maybe it’s a bigger group than I’m used to. Maybe a smaller group (actually scarier to me). Maybe I didn’t have time to prepare. Maybe it’s just been a stressful day. Whatever the trigger might be, the most experienced speakers can still get nervous.

So what do I do when I get nervous? I use my all-time favorite technique:

Look at the individuals in the audience!

If you have a chance, study individual attendees before you even get up to speak. Think about them–not as your audience, but as people like you. Look deep into their eyes. Feel their humanity. Realize that they are no different than you.

When you get up to speak, keep looking! Look deep into their eyes. Look at faces, look at clothes, look at their expressions, look at their thoughts–or at least imagine them. They probably think a lot like you.

Seems simple, so why is it important? Because it’s easier said than done. There’s a very natural tendency for speakers to glance around the audience without settling on individuals. It’s hard not to sense the audience as a whole–a grand mass of judgement and criticism. But your audience isn’t one giant judge, it is made up of a bunch of humans who are just like you. In fact, they’re individuals who consider you and your words worth sitting down and shutting up to listen to.

I can’t explain in a short blog post every different reason I have found that this works. And it might not work for everyone. But for me, it changes everything!

There’s something about focusing on and connecting with individual audience members that makes the big scary audience disappear and fills your heart with the warmth of the compassionate human beings surrounding you. You’re speaking to individual people, not some strange and unknown “audience.” They have friends, families, desires, and fears. Remember–they’re just like you. They are not scary!

And the easiest way to prove that to yourself is by sizing them up.

Don’t size your audience up. It’s big and intimidating. Size each individual person up. They’re really not that scary.

So that’s my favorite trick. As I said, I can’t promise it will work for you, but you’ll never know until you try–worth a shot? What I can say is that when I’m feeling nervous in front of an audience or before a speech, nothing calms my nerves, brings me back down to earth, and puts everything in perspective like breaking the big scary audience down into individual fellow-humans. And the easiest way to do that is by looking at them.

Not facing them. Not seeing them. Not speaking towards them. Looking at them.

Just remember: The audience may be big, but each member is as small as you.

Good luck!

How do YOU cope with nerves in front of an audience (big or small)?