That thing that excites you
This strange thing happens when I hear the sound of rushing water or the crashing of waves and find myself in the presence of beautiful, powerful, patient, carefree water. My soul feels astonishingly okay. It doesn’t mean I have to move to San Diego (*hey universe, this is a hint here*), but it does mean…
Authentic, but like right now
I always armed the alarm system at night. If someone beat me to it, I’d find some need to go grab something from the garage or step outside so that I could re-arm it when I came back in. Arming it took a minute, because we had to bypass a few upstairs bedroom windows so…
In your closest relationships, is the real you even there?
Driving home the other day, something struck me while I was listening to Nora McInerny’s (amazing) podcast (that you should listen to) Terrible, Thanks For Asking. In an episode called Don’t You Want Somebody to Take Care of You?, a woman named Gina recalled growing up with a depressed mother. Each morning her mom would…
We made that up
How are you doing? Are you exhausted? Like deep in your soul, exhausted? I have some thoughts. We made up that you have to text someone back. We made up that you’re supposed to be positive all the time. We made up that you’re supposed to eat three meals a day. We made up that…
Outside the lines
A curious fact about the family values held by most Indigenous American tribes north of Mexico is shared in Dale Van Every’s 1966 book, Disinherited: The Lost Birthright of the American Indian. The parents, he explains, were “constitutionally reluctant to discipline [their] children. [The child’s] every exhibition of self-will was accepted as a favorable indication…
My 200th post!
NOW can I call myself a writer? What passion of yours do you discredit because you haven’t done it long enough, well enough, fast enough, professionally enough, famously enough? The thing that bubbles up from deep inside your soul is YOU, whether a thousand people know it or just you. If you ever, ever, ever…
Re-Reexamining: Is That REALLY What You Want?
Like most kids, I had a plethora of career plans by the time I was about 7. I was going to be a zookeeper, I was going to pilot a spaceship, I was going to be a cowboy, and I was going to be a detective (I even had my briefcase picked out–a plastic hot…
The not good enough thing
I haven’t met a person that really, deep down, is always confident that they’re good enough. Nobody thinks they’re doing enough. And nobody thinks they’re doing it well enough. And nobody thinks all their efforts are good enough for them to be loved, let alone good enough for them to not be exposed as a…
Be the curly chip
Tortilla chips are made in a factory. Factories make things Just-Right. On a conveyor belt, the sheet of dough is cut by triangle-shaped molds, each mold identically sized and shaped, so that each chip will come out identical: Just-Right. Somewhere along the way, the chips fall in a fryer. A few of the chips get…
A safe and meaningless love
If you carefully edit your identity so that you’ll be loved and accepted, and then the love and acceptance come, is it really yours, or does it belong to the caricature, and where does that leave you? So what would it take for your actual self to find love? ~ Wishing you courage to be…
Why Feeling Fake is GOOD
Change is uncomfortable. And if you don’t feel uncomfortable with yourself, you probably aren’t changing and growing. Here’s what I mean: Last weekend I got to participate in a workshop for couples that included discussion of conflict resolution. Everyone got to practice a specific formula that can help to de-escalate a situation and arrive at…
The lifelong freedom of not needing approval
I say lifelong for a reason. Approval feels really wonderful, so it’s hard not to fall back into living for approval after we’ve once found freedom. When you find independence, you chase the things you’re genuinely interested in, the stuff you really believe in. And then that new version of life brings you new approval from…
Whose life are you living?
We humans do this weird thing. When my adorable dog Willoughby wants something, he wants it. He doesn’t check, first, whether we want him to want it. He doesn’t wait to see if we’re okay with him wanting it. He doesn’t try to align his deepest desires with what he supposes that we may want…
Free yourself from “good at”
What if you free yourself from the need to get “good at” something? The world is full of adventure–singing, making a story, rock-climbing, poetry, cooking, improv, skiing, paddle-boarding, reading confusing scientific studies, decorating a home, building a thing, volunteering, yoga, drawing, meditating, learning a language, hiking, trying Ethiopian food, spending a weekend photographing nature .…
Be epic.
Sometimes I try to live really safe. To keep a lid on the version of me I’d really like to be. Afraid of what people will think. I worry a lot that if I let the world see my “awesome,” they won’t think it’s awesome, and somehow that will ruin my life. Connecting is dangerous.…
From 1 to 92
and so I’m offering this simple phrase to kids from one to ninety-twoThe Christmas Song One of my earliest vivid memories, marked by the musty smell of old books in the college library: Two fellow professors stopped my dad and struck up a conversation. They held their briefcases and said big sentences to each other…
A different New Year’s suggestion
Hello again friends, happy new year to you! Have you made any resolutions this year? Maybe set some 2022 goals? I haven’t. And not because I think resolutions are bad. I don’t think they’re bad, I don’t think I’m better than you for not falling for them, and I bet I’ll make some again one…
Don’t wait for permission
Raise your hand if you often feel like you need permission to do something you’re inspired to do? I don’t know if it’s just certain types of people. Maybe it’s a part of anxiety. Maybe it’s from growing up in a family where most things weren’t considered a wise use of time. Maybe it goes hand…
You ARE you
A while ago I wrote a short and simple blog post called “It’s okay to be you.” I wonder if adding another way of thinking about it could help: You just ARE you. Period. Whether it’s okay or not (and it is), you are you. If you are an anxious you, a distracted you, a…
Deeper
Do you ever catch yourself looking into someone’s eyes just a little longer and thinking “holy **** there’s an actual person in there!” before quickly breaking eye contact and saying something like “ugh, winter” or “thank god it’s Friday” just to lighten the tension of the tangible spirituality you just experienced between two powerfully human…
See?!? I shouldn’t have . . .
Hindsight is not always 20/20. It’s hard not to judge our decisions and actions on a situation’s ultimate outcome. We pick A instead of B, the situation goes terribly wrong, and we think “See? I shouldn’t have picked A. I should have picked B instead.” This hindsight feels simple. But it’s not. It’s fuzzy and…
Emotional on purpose
Non-rational corners of the brain get little respect. We are supposed to be “smart” creatures, do what “makes sense,” “think carefully.” And yes to all that. And also yes to purposefully manufacturing feelings and emotions that access the more primitive corners of the brain and have nothing to do with logic and sensibility. Here’s what…
Sidewalk
Nobody actually says–or at least nobody actually gets to say–that just because you’re a “grown up” now, you have to stick to the sidewalk. Hop up on the wall, if it’s calling your name, and teeter your way along in the sky above the sidewalk for a while. Or abandon the sidewalk entirely and crunch through…
As long as they know I’m trying my best
I dedicate this post to my fellow survivors (current or future) of “As-long-as-people-know-I’m-doing-my-best” syndrome. It’s okay if people don’t think you’re a good person. It really is. Some people will. For sure. In fact, the way this world is set up means that the only way to be the person some people like is to…
The problem with growing up
I feel compelled to be grown up all the way. But the problem is I get really happy every time I look down and see my blue sneakers with their yellow-green laces.
Hoping that people like you
Hoping that people like you is, in a way, the opposite of liking yourself. ~ I think I have learned you really can only attend to one of those needs or the other, but not both–liking yourself and hoping others like you. When you’re living for the approval of others, you are your own constant…
There Aren’t Normal People
A thought occurred to me today as I watched my adorable wife randomly dancing a carefree (and quite unpredictable) little dance. After a minute she laughed and said, “Do you ever think about if other couples do things like this, just be silly or weird around each other? Or if most people are more normal?”…
I can’t believe I . . .
When you look back on 5-years-ago, 10-years-ago, 20-years-ago you, often you feel a huge disconnect. And often a bit of shame or embarrassment. “I can’t believe I did/said/thought that.” Somebody somewhere now is doing/saying/thinking the same things you did/said/thought 5, 10, 20 years ago. And that person is where they are for a reason. That…
Happy New Year!
Hi friends! This New Year I want to share one of the most helpful things I’ve learned this year–a piece of advice given to me by a very special person in my life: Don’t solve all your anxious feelings. You can’t. Be okay with them. There have been some really rough times for me this…
Not Saying It
It feels like it will hurt LESS to NOT say what we want, than to SAY what we want and not get it. But that’s just not true. NOT saying it hurts WORST. To never express it, to smother yourself, to give up without a chance. That is the loneliest and the saddest, in the…
Hiding
Sometimes the things you’re afraid to let people see because you think they’ll judge you end up being the very things they really love about you.
Being a person
“You don’t pass or fail at being a person.” Neil Gaiman It’s true. Nothing to add. Except maybe this one other little tear-jerker moment from Avengers: Endgame. “Everyone fails at who they’re supposed to be, Thor. The measure of a person, of a hero, is how well they succeed at being who they are.” Thor’s…
Color
~ I promise I’ll have more words soon. They’ll come here: And until then, which sorts of color do you need more of in your life? ↑ Press the one that makes you happy. ;) Namaste my friends <3
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