be yourself

My 200th post!

NOW can I call myself a writer? What passion of yours do you discredit because you haven’t done it long enough, well enough, fast enough, professionally enough, famously enough? The thing that bubbles up from deep inside your soul is YOU, whether a thousand people know it or just you. If you ever, ever, ever … Continue reading “My 200th post!”

The not good enough thing

I haven’t met a person that really, deep down, is always confident that they’re good enough. Nobody thinks they’re doing enough. And nobody thinks they’re doing it well enough. And nobody thinks all their efforts are good enough for them to be loved, let alone good enough for them to not be exposed as a … Continue reading “The not good enough thing”

Be the curly chip

Tortilla chips are made in a factory. Factories make things Just-Right. On a conveyor belt, the sheet of dough is cut by triangle-shaped molds, each mold identically sized and shaped, so that each chip will come out identical: Just-Right. Somewhere along the way, the chips fall in a fryer. A few of the chips get … Continue reading “Be the curly chip”

Why Feeling Fake is GOOD

Change is uncomfortable. And if you don’t feel uncomfortable with yourself, you probably aren’t changing and growing. Here’s what I mean: Last weekend I got to participate in a workshop for couples that included discussion of conflict resolution. Everyone got to practice a specific formula that can help to de-escalate a situation and arrive at … Continue reading “Why Feeling Fake is GOOD”

Free yourself from “good at”

What if you free yourself from the need to get “good at” something? The world is full of adventure–singing, making a story, rock-climbing, poetry, cooking, improv, skiing, paddle-boarding, reading confusing scientific studies, decorating a home, building a thing, volunteering, yoga, drawing, meditating, learning a language, hiking, trying Ethiopian food, spending a weekend photographing nature . … Continue reading “Free yourself from “good at””

Be epic.

Sometimes I try to live really safe. To keep a lid on the version of me I’d really like to be. Afraid of what people will think. I worry a lot that if I let the world see my “awesome,” they won’t think it’s awesome, and somehow that will ruin my life. Connecting is dangerous. … Continue reading “Be epic.”

From 1 to 92

and so I’m offering this simple phrase to kids from one to ninety-two The Christmas Song One of my earliest vivid memories, marked by the musty smell of old books in the college library: Two fellow professors stopped my dad and struck up a conversation. They held their briefcases and said big sentences to each … Continue reading “From 1 to 92”

You ARE you

A while ago I wrote a short and simple blog post called “It’s okay to be you.” I wonder if adding another way of thinking about it could help: You just ARE you. Period. Whether it’s okay or not (and it is), you are you. If you are an anxious you, a distracted you, a … Continue reading “You ARE you”

Deeper

Do you ever catch yourself looking into someone’s eyes just a little longer and thinking “holy **** there’s an actual person in there!” before quickly breaking eye contact and saying something like “ugh, winter” or “thank god it’s Friday” just to lighten the tension of the tangible spirituality you just experienced between two powerfully human … Continue reading “Deeper”

Emotional on purpose

Non-rational corners of the brain get little respect. We are supposed to be “smart” creatures, do what “makes sense,” “think carefully.” And yes to all that. And also yes to purposefully manufacturing feelings and emotions that access the more primitive corners of the brain and have nothing to do with logic and sensibility. Here’s what … Continue reading “Emotional on purpose”

Sidewalk

Nobody actually says–or at least nobody actually gets to say–that just because you’re a “grown up” now, you have to stick to the sidewalk. Hop up on the wall, if it’s calling your name, and teeter your way along in the sky above the sidewalk for a while. Or abandon the sidewalk entirely and crunch through … Continue reading “Sidewalk”

The problem with growing up

I feel compelled to be grown up all the way. But the problem is I get really happy every time I look down and see my blue sneakers with their yellow-green laces.

I can’t believe I . . .

When you look back on 5-years-ago, 10-years-ago, 20-years-ago you, often you feel a huge disconnect. And often a bit of shame or embarrassment. “I can’t believe I did/said/thought that.” Somebody somewhere now is doing/saying/thinking the same things you did/said/thought 5, 10, 20 years ago. And that person is where they are for a reason. That … Continue reading “I can’t believe I . . .”

Happy New Year!

Hi friends! This New Year I want to share one of the most helpful things I’ve learned this year–a piece of advice given to me by a very special person in my life: Don’t solve all your anxious feelings. You can’t. Be okay with them. There have been some really rough times for me this … Continue reading “Happy New Year!”

Not Saying It

It feels like it will hurt LESS to NOT say what we want, than to SAY what we want and not get it. But that’s just not true. NOT saying it hurts WORST. To never express it, to smother yourself, to give up without a chance. That is the loneliest and the saddest, in the … Continue reading “Not Saying It”

Hiding

Sometimes the things you’re afraid to let people see because you think they’ll judge you end up being the very things they really love about you.