Author: Peter Elbridge

“There are only two days in the year that nothing can be done. One is called yesterday and the other is called tomorrow, so today is the right day to love, believe, do, and mostly live.” – Dalai Lama

~

Tomorrow will be too late to make the most of today.

I’ve always heard people say that at the end of life you’ll regret the memories you didn’t make more than the ones you did. Lately that’s started to resonate with me.

I’ve become scared of death over the last few years. I didn’t used to be. I always figured I’m pretty comfortable with what I expect to happen to me when I die.

My expectations haven’t changed too much, except that now I’ve grown up I’m a lot less sure that the future looks exactly like what I imagine. But I hate the idea of being done with life now. It really bothers me.

Do you ever stop and think, “How did this year go by so fast?” If you’re 20 or older, I know you do. I was talking recently with a friend at work, realizing the past year has flown by about as fast as a month used to drag on when I was 12.

A few years ago I was so obsessed with a few ideas–ideas about what my focus in this life had to be–that when I wasn’t getting exactly what I wanted in life, I welcomed the idea of death. I felt like death would be an easy way out. Didn’t bother me at all.

Enter the greatest friend I’ve ever had. I learned to stop taking myself so seriously. To stop analyzing life and start living it instead. She taught me to let go of my expectations, plans, determinations, desires, and just welcome life itself.

She taught me to stop obsessing over my idea of how life should go, open my eyes, and enjoy life as it is. She taught me to stop worrying, stop stressing, and just dance to life’s music.

Here’s why I don’t like the thought of coming to the end of life now. Life is absolutely awesome! Now I want to stick around forever just so I can experience every different amazing thing life has to offer. Every morning I wake up and think, “What do I get to do and see today???”

Now the idea that I’m going to have to move on to whatever’s next before I can learn every language, play every sport, read every book, meet every friend, hike every trail, build every career, and taste every food–that idea doesn’t sit too well with me.

A lot of people are scared of death because they don’t want to deal with whatever’s out there (or not). A lot of people embrace death because they think this life isn’t worth living. But I don’t want to die because I’ve only begun to realize how incredible this lifetime in this world really is.

Stop and think with me. Are we taking life for granted? Are we rushing from one day to the next? Are we plodding mindlessly toward the finish line? Because once we get there, there’s no starting over.

Or are we taking time to stop and smell the roses? How often do we slow down enough to open our eyes, look around, and just go “Wow!”

I think there are a lot more things to make us happy in this life than we’re willing to slow down and notice.

I think that when I get to my 60th or 70th birthday, if I look back and realize I lived life with my eyes closed, paralyzed by fear and insecurity, I will wish I could take it all back and have another shot.

I want to look back and say, “What a wild ride!” I want to remember enthusiastically grabbing all sorts of opportunities, welcoming and mastering challenges, looking for adventures.

Is life really hard and scary enough that we shouldn’t bother enjoying it? Or can we step out in courage and live life, with every little adventure, to the fullest, before we look back and realize it’s too late?

“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I’ll spend the first four sharpening the axe.” – Abraham Lincoln

~

In military aviation, a pilot who can boast five or more aerial victories is given the honorable title of “Flying Ace.” History’s top ace of all time was named Erich Hartmann, who won a shocking three hundred and fifty-two in-air battles. He survived more than fourteen hundred missions and was never wounded. Named “The Black Devil” by his enemies, Hartmann attributed his success to his mentor, a fighter pilot named Paule Rossman.

Paule Rossman was also a very successful ace. But unlike most aces, he couldn’t engage in dogfights. A dogfight is an intense aerial battle in which physical strength is a must. Rossman suffered from an arm injury that made dog-fighting impossible for him. So he had to find a way to compensate for his disadvantage.

Rossman started doing his homework. He was studying the battle, while others were gripping their controls, firing bullets, just praying for the first hit. Rossman refused to go into a confrontation unless he knew he was in position to win. When he attacked, he had analyzed the situation every which way. It was his focused studying that gave him his tremendous success.

The great Erich Hartmann learned his strategy from Rossman. They both made sure to go into each battle fully prepared. They didn’t rush into the middle of dogfights with guns blazing, hoping they would outpower, outshoot, and outluck their enemies. Instead they planned ahead. They studied their options, learned their enemies, and planned careful successes.

These two famous flying aces teach us something important. Success doesn’t come from running blindly into the fight. Success comes from preparing. Success comes from observing, studying, planning, strategizing. Success comes from learning.

Acting without learning is like hoping that brute force and blind courage alone will make you a flying ace.

President Abraham Lincoln said, “Give me six hours to chop down a tree, and I will spend the first four hours sharpening the axe.”

Just like Hartmann, Lincoln understood one of the key principles of success: Brawn doesn’t win. Preparation does.

I keep stumbling upon a quote from the 19th century philosopher Søren Kierkegaard. I read it and find myself wondering how Kierkegaard nailed the 21st century right on the head. Here’s our current culture in a nutshell:

“What our age lacks is not reflection, but passion.” – Søren Kierkegaard

Of course, with all our sophistication, we think we’ve figured out how to cheat the system: We redefined reflection (“thinking and talking”) as passion.

We think if our reflection sounds passionate, that’s enough. But we’re wrong. Here’s what I mean:

When was the last time you browsed the internet or visited Barnes & Noble without seeing a new voice in the whole “Live with Passion” and “Succeed with Passion” world?

Books, articles, blogs, speeches, seminars–everyone wants to teach everyone to live with passion. To dream big. To create success. To win.

And we talk and talk and talk about it. We write about it, post about it, and comment about it, so that everyone knows how passionate we are.

But are we really living it at the office? Are we committing and following through with those goals? Are we taking those scary steps we talk about?

See, here’s what always bothers me. We’re GREAT at talking! But talking is just the first step! And while it’s an important one, it’s not nearly enough.

You don’t win at life, realize big dreams, and create success by reflecting. You succeed by acting! And therein lies true passion.

No matter how many hours you spend reading passionate Facebook notes (like this one)  and leaving passionate comments (or passionately clicking “Like”), success and fulfillment take something more. Something way bigger.

If I could make one wish for the personal development world, it would be that people would start adding REAL passion–REAL action–to all the reflection.

Don’t get me wrong: The reflection is great. The more voices out there encouraging each other to do great things, the better.

But there’s a dirty little secret most of us personal development fans won’t admit even to ourselves: For all our passionate reflection, most of us lack the actual passion to get up and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

After all, it’s a lot easier to talk about being successful than to push ourselves to our limits until we really do succeed.

One of these days, we’re going to have to put down the books, get off our favorite success-guru’s fanpage, and actually DO all these great big things we talk about.

There are lots of talkers, but not so many brave and diligent doers.

Or as Kierkegaard would say–lots of reflection, but little real passion!

Of course, you probably needed those first couple motivational books you read. And refreshers are useful. If you’re like me, you even want to help introduce others to the hope that real understanding of personal development offers people. So don’t stop the reflecting.

But until the day you decide to translate that reflection into passion in the real world, you won’t live your dream, you won’t see results, and you won’t make another penny!

No amount of reading about or discussing productivity will make you more productive. You have to actually DO it!

No amount of reading about or discussing leadership will make you a good leader. You have to actually DO it!

And no amount of reading about or discussing millionaires will make you a millionaire. You have to get up, take a deep breath, and start doing the incredibly hard work of making it happen!

In the real world, reflection must eventually take the backseat, and passion must become the main player.

Real passion will mean blood, sweat, and tears.

Real passion will mean risk, nerves, stress, rejection, failure, criticism, exhaustion, and second-guessing.

Yes, all the talk is good for us. We need to be inspired. We need to be refueled. But we can’t forget that the reflection is supposed to serve the action! To carry you through the blood, sweat, and tears!

So once we’ve reflected for a while, once we’ve refueled and gotten inspired, we HAVE to turn it into real passion. REAL passion.

Not the kind that spends all day looking at motivational quotes and inspiring memes so we feel better about ourselves!

The kind of passion that starts turning all the noisy reflection into action.

Only then will you get the results you dream to see.

What real ACTION did you take TODAY to better yourself and inch closer to your dreams?

What will you do tomorrow? Will you spend the day wishing for and dreaming of success? Or will you have the real passion to ACT?

Last Monday I posted the 2nd rule I wish someone had given me when I first became a manager: Know Your People. The 1st one I needed was Keep Your Eye on the Ball.

Today I get to share with you the 3rd of 12 rules every new manager should know. I used to hate this one. I thought it was silly. Looking back, I couldn’t have been more mistaken.

If you know any managers who are either fresh in their field or could use some fresh perspective and inspiration, please share!

Rule #3: Write and Own a Vision

“The number one reason most people don’t get what they want,” says T. Harv Eker, “is that they don’t know what they want.”

Before you embark on a journey, you need to know your destination. Any preparation or action you take before you know exactly where you’re trying to go is silly.

You need a vision! A destination.

A vision is a clear concept of what you plan to make a reality.

If you want to be an effective leader, you need to determine exactly what you’re trying to accomplish and where you and your team are headed.

My experience confirms that until you have that clear vision, all your planning, all your analyzing, all your reviewing, all your assigning–all your work will be crippled by a lack of direction and purpose.

A vision needs to be 5 things:

1. Sincere

Your vision needs to be a sincere and honest expression of what you and your team truly want. You can have as cool sounding a mission as possible, but unless it’s something that fits you, you’ll never stick to it.

2. Inspiring

To be and do their best, people need to feel like they’re part of something important. Something that makes a difference. That’s why disconnected visions like “Follow all the rules and run smoothly” don’t work. You and your team need something exciting to reach for!

3. Clear

Your vision needs to be clear. It needs to be tangible and measurable. It needs to be specific and exact. As a leader, you lose all your leverage when the goal is something subjective, like “Be the best we can be.” You and your team need to know exactly what is the destination, so that there is no room for misunderstanding and half-hearted work.

4. Actionable

Your people cannot be waiting for the dream to become a reality. They need to be focused on making it a reality. Try using action words in your vision: Success won’t happen to you, you will make success! Tag numbers on it, put measurements in it. Your vision has to be one of action, so that when a player stops pulling his weight, the vision speaks directly to them.

5. A Commitment

Until you and your team can promise yourselves and each other that you will make your vision a reality, and hold each other to that commitment, the vision will be useless. There will be no passion, no inspiration, no power. Your vision has to be a commitment!

So how do you create and use your vision?

“Good business leaders create a vision, articulate the vision, passionately own the vision, and relentlessly drive it to completion,” said Jack Welch, one of the greatest business leaders in history.

1. Write it!

Do not just talk about a vision. Do not have a vague idea that leaves everyone off the hook. Choose one and commit to it. Make it official. Put it in writing! You need to be able to return to it, consult it. Your team needs the same.

2. Collaborate.

This is one of the biggest mistakes I made as a manager. I tried to choose our vision without including my team. How seriously do you think they took that vision? How much do you think it resonated with them? How motivated do you think they were to pursue it?

3. Teach it.

Everyone on your team needs to know your vision. Inside and out. If you’re all trying to get to slightly different versions of a destination, you’ll never get there. So teach your vision in depth to each and every player on your team! Have people memorize it, or at least keep a copy! Talk about it lots. You and your team have to own it!

4. Tie everything into it.

Here’s where you’ll start seeing the real difference. When you have a “vision” in one corner, and what-you-do-daily in a different corner, you will see aimlessness and confusion. The real power is when you wrap everything you do back around into your vision. Show your people how each little part of their job is a part of the vision. Then, and only then, will you feel the momentum.

Takeaway: You and your team need a vision, and until you have one, there will be no direction or momentum. A vision is a clear concept of what you plan to make a reality. Your vision needs to be sincere, inspiring, clear, actionable, and a commitment. You need to write out your vision with the help of your team, everyone needs to learn it, and everything you do must tie into it. Then, and only then, will you feel the power of vision.

“Determine that the thing can and shall be done and then we shall find the way.” – Abraham Lincoln

What else should managers know about creating and living a vision?

“If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.” – Thomas J. Watson

~

It’s time to stop labeling yourself as a perfectionist. You are not a perfectionist.

You’re just scared.

Like me.

Please understand, I’m saying this as a textbook “perfectionist.” Through most of my life, I put my dreams and plans on hold in the name of “perfectionism.”

You see, here’s the problem for people like me: Perfection is impossible. Therefore, if you wait until you’re ready to be perfect, you will never take action. And if you never take action, your results will be anything but perfect! So true “perfectionists” really aren’t perfectionists.

When you wake up in the morning, you get all spiffed up for the day and head to work. Could you look a little better, dress a little better? Sure, but getting to work on time takes priority.

You get to the office and respond to a few emails. Could you have written better, reached out better, taken better advantage of some opportunities? Yes, but you’ve got bigger fish to fry.

You work pretty hard the whole day on that report your boss is waiting for. It’s due tonight, so you stay a little more focused than usual. But you still take a couple breaks to catch up with your co-workers. Helps keep you sane.

At the end of the day, you take a deep breath and hit print. You’re not completely satisfied, but you did your best. And your boss won’t wait forever. You turn in your report and head home. Proud of your work, but okay with the fact that you’ll always have room for improvement.

You know what’s crazy, though? That’s a typical day in the life of a self-diagnosed “perfectionist.” They aren’t REALLY perfectionists! Any true perfectionist would never finish grooming in the morning, never get through an inbox, never take a break, and never hit print!

So why do we say we’re “perfectionists” when we really settle for less than perfect every day?

Because it gives us an excuse to NOT do the things we’re too SCARED to do!

Here’s my shameful story of addiction to “perfectionism.”

I had so many things I wanted to accomplish, but I rarely even got started on them.

This is how it went–all day, every day:

Ambitious Me: “Why don’t I start that project?” Perfectionist Me: “No, I only have half an hour before my next meeting. I should wait until I can really focus–I don’t want to do a half-hearted job.”

Ambitious Me: “I should start a blog!” Perfectionist Me: “Are you crazy? Nobody would read it! You need to research blogging way more first!”

Ambitious Me: “I should try cooking a meal to surprise my girlfriend!” Perfectionist Me: “Whoa, you’re not nearly the cook yet. How embarrassing would it be if she wasn’t impressed?”

Ambitious Me: “I really need to reply to that letter.” Perfectionist Me: “You’re way too busy to give it the focus it deserves, let’s wait till we have more time on our hands. Surely it’ll happen soon enough.” 

As if I’d ever have the time and expertise to achieve “perfect” on my first shot.

(And here’s another problem. The more you put off in the name of perfectionism, the bigger your to-do list gets, and the less able you feel to focus on perfecting anything.)

Ask yourself this question for me–no, for your own sake: Are you really a perfectionist? Or are you scared of facing our imperfect reality?

There are so many things in life that you could accomplish, if you’d just give yourself permission to let go of your fear of less-than-perfect results. But you’ll never accomplish anything if you don’t take that first feeble step.

Just like you’ll never get to work on time if you’re a perfectionist getting dressed and doing your hair, you’ll never become a successful writer if you’re a perfectionist writing your first blog post.

You’ll never be successful at anything if your “perfectionism” keeps you from taking real action, NOW!

And if we’re being honest, when our “perfectionism” slows us down, it’s not about our commitment to the concept of perfect, it’s about our fear!

You’re not a perfectionist. You’ll never be a perfectionist. And the harder you try, the less you’ll accomplish.

Do you want to be great? Give yourself permission to start practicing!

“The formula for success is quite simple: Double your rate of failure.” – IBM founder, Thomas J. Watson, Sr.

Let go of your fear of failure, and fail your way to the top!

What do YOU think?